Scars are evidence we lived.
June 6 is an anniversary for me. You might not see his scar. The years and the hair have grown over it. But the memories are just as fresh. 6 years ago on this date we handed over our baby in a hospital OR. But I knew they would give him back. A painful difference now. My kids have always been fighters. But Anna wasn't given that same chance. It was too fast for her. For Sawyer he spent 6 hours in surgery, and then 6 more days in the PICU recovering.
Those were long hard days. I foolishly thought, this is the hardest thing I will have to do as a mother. How could I have thought that, I had only been a mother for 8 months. Its what worries me now, that this might still not be the worst thing I go through. Whats next, if they keep making this cranio journey seem like a walk in the afternoon sun.
Sawyer also needed 8 transfusions that day. Like his mother, did couldn't get his blood to clot and stop the bleeding. So he required them more than a usual CVR, they didn't plan for that many. We have benefited from blood donation numerous times.
We both have scars. We both have someone else’s blood that saved our lives. I will heal, just like he did, and one day people won’t know this scar I carry.
hank you to everyone helping us honor Anna this month and donating with #GiveLoveForAnna You hope it’s never your family who needs it, but sometimes it is
I remember thinking craniosynostosis would be my world forever. Its not anymore. There is just a reminder. A scar. I know this won't be my world in 6 years. I know those smiles will come after the grief. I know these things. I will simply have a scar of where she last was.
with love, lissa