I’ve counted down to June for 9 months.
I marked the weeks off, and marked her arrival time and date.
A fresh new month. The beginning of something new.
I couldn’t wait to turn that page. And announce “its baby month!!!” like so many of my friends are doing this month. I had planned the month, we would do swim lessons right up until baby week. Pass the time faster. I couldn’t wait. I wish she had.
It’s hard to see the time pass now. To see the kids start swim lessons after she’s gone. To begin the rush of summer, without the baby I had planned the summer around. Its makes me not want to go home this year. I LOVE going home for the summer. And this summer I could not wait. I was going to arrive with this baby everyone was excited to meet. And when you live in another country from family, seeing newborns its especially special.
We were going to hang at the beach. Visit Daddy on set of his new movie. Go to all our favorite theme parks with a little sleeping thing in my new Solly baby wrap. I bought the pink one, it was one of the first things I bought her. And I couldn't wait to snuggle her in it all summer long. The whole summer was planned around her. So it seems achingly awful to do all those things without her.
My calendar always fills up so fast. And somehow this month stays empty. And it could not represent my life more.
with love, lissa