Anna was our girl name for years. I had picked it out before Sawyer even joined our family. Then I thought maybe with Max. I have a post from back in 2015 with "I have always wanted to write the sentence, Sawyer Max & Anna." I had just had it pop up in my memories and screen shot it. I wanted to share her name and I thought it was funny timing. Now I will never write that sentence. It will never caption the photo's of her meeting her brothers for the first time. Of them growing together through the years. It's over before it began.
Her name means, full of grace, or beautiful. And she was already so beautiful. Her features delicate like a little girl. Her lips soft and sweet. A nose that reminded me of Max as a newborn. The hair I had dreamed of putting little bows in. I joked the heart burn started back in October, so I knew she was going to have hair. And there it was. Soft wisps of it in my hand as I stroked her head for the last time. I'll never know if she shared her brothers eye color. I'll always wonder instead. Her feet fully plump. Her hands wrapped around my finger, like I had dreamed of for 8 months. She was beautiful and full of Grace. Too much for this world.
We chose it because my moms name is pronounced Myanna, and it was a way of honoring her name. She would be “MY” Anna.
Mae because in the hospital, the first nurse called me Alissa May. She messed up my middle name Amy, for May. So I guess in a way she was named after me too. It struck me that she wouldn’t be born in June, but May. Spelling it like Mae had been on our baby name list for months.
It took me her WHOLE life to pick her name. Forced into deciding it because they needed it for her death certificate. I wish I had talked to her sooner with it. I could never decide, and now that we have it, it could never have been anything else.
I only wish I could whisper it to her, not to heaven. 💗
with love, lissa