It seems I only really need the blog when I am hurting the most. The words need to flow freely, so its one less thing suffocating me. I felt I needed to blog through Kimmy's loss but I could never pull myself together enough in the darkest days. This new grief is different. I didn't know you could suffer from two different griefs, and at the same time.
This isn't going to be a pretty blog. At times it will will bring you to your knee's. But you can move on. I cant. This will be my story for the rest of my life. Something to carry with me, that defines my existence. I have joined a club of mothers without the thing that defines a mother, a child.
And even as Im typing this, I don't understand how I got here.
But here I am.
with love, lissa