10 years ago, a boy that lived in another country, threw rocks at my childhood bedroom window.
It was July 4th. And I was sulking that Brandon wasn't visiting on a long weekend. I refused to shower and get ready no matter how many times my mom subtly tried to change that. I only cared what one persons opinion on me appearance was, and he was supposed to be 1000 miles away.
We had done long distance for the last 11 months. Our whole relationship was spent talking between countries. Calgary to Toronto. Toronto to London. Las Vegas to Calgary. A full circle around the globe. And it all led to the question...
Will you marry me?
I cried. That first moment of us together for the rest of our lives, and I cried. Tears of pure joy. It was the happiest I had ever felt. He had listened to a conversation we had had months ago, that I had always wished for the CW tv show moment, when a boy throws rocks at your window, and you sneak out for the best night of your life. I complained that this wasn't possible when you grew up in the country back roads where your parents would see the headlights coming for too long. Real life wasn't as pretty as scripted moments, and it wasn't fair.
And from that first moment, he went above and beyond to give me the world. He wasn't even supposed to be in Canada, much less outside my window throwing rocks, with a ring in his pocket. But there he was defying logic. And there he has been every day since.
We have traveled the world together. We have driven a million miles around this continent in a car together. We have done so much together, but most days we are happier just to stay home together. In this house we built into a home. Filled with children. Covered in blankets watching movies into the early morning hours. Dancing in the isles of the grocery store at 3am, because stores being open 24/7 is more fun than novelty. Taking a million pictures in mirrors together. We've been to the happiest place on earth so many times together, we spent our one year anniversary there. But I have the happiest place on earth right here. In a person. I couldn't be luckier.
If I could travel back in time and tell that young naive girl of everything that was going to break her heart, I would tell her to do it anyways. Because saying yes to him, means all of this is going to happen. But saying yes to him is also going to be worth all the heartbreak, because it's going to show you a love that you never knew existed. It's going to make those "CW tv show cliche rock throwing moments" seem completely vapid. The world should write stories about this kind of love instead. But they can't because most people will never know this level of love. You are going to be the most lucky unlucky person in the world.
I dropped Brandon off at the airport today. I had once heard this quote. "Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls, - and the walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than churches." { I didn't remember the second half of the quote until I just looked it up. But it might be even more profound than the first sentence.} Over ten years, there has been many moments of those sincere hello & goodbye's at airports. It's the price of long distance. Of immigration. Of love.
Today was no different. Life continues to move forward, relentlessly 24 hours at a time. And off he goes to live his dream. Mine shattered, his world torn in two. This summer we were both going to get something we had lived our whole lives wanting. Now only one of us gets to live that out. So we are going to live it. Together.
We stood there crying and holding each other. No one knowing why those tears were so unrestrained. And then in a way only Brandon can do, he made a stupid joke in the middle of it. And gave me one last smile to hold onto as he walked away.
For every time in these 10 years that I have collapsed into his arms crying in sorrow, there is a million times he has made me laugh till I cry with joy. Life has thrown us everything its got. And I constantly wonder what we will face next. Surviving the hardest things in the past, has always led to more hard things to survive. But we've done it all together. We will continue to do it together.
Together is the only reason it all happened.
Together is the only way its survivable.
Ten years ago I made the best decision of my life.
I said yes.
with love, lissa