I am slowly going crazy,
one, two, three, four, five, six, switch!
The boys are sleeping beside me tonight. Sawyer and Max both distinctly snoring. I know its Sawyers snore I hear. Its louder to my left, and with a slight oddly placed echo, a whisper of it to my right.
For just a second my heart my heart skips a beat. It remembers. The sound of a snore in a cradle beside my bed. It remembers the sound, the smell, the weight of the baby in that cradle.
Its lightening fast. It is here one second and gone the next. I can still hear the echo. I know it is not there. But this broken heart wishes so badly it was. I almost feel like I could wake up from this nightmare. I've seen too many movies's where time can be rewritten.
Crazy going slowly am I
Six, five, four, three, two one, switch!
And just for another second I let it sit there. The dream. I will it to change. To wake with dramatic gasps into a reality that makes sense. Try harder my heart whispers, just louder than the echo. Believe it, and it could be true. It's so real you can hear it. You can change it. You can change it. You can change it.
But nothing does. I stay right where I am. Still. No baby breathing.
I am slowly going crazy,
one, two, three, four, five, six.
with love, lissa
